Do you want to be happy every moment? Work towards all three: Right understanding, Relationship and Physical facility. Let’s see how to work on Relationship, here!

 Having said all three, Right understanding, Relationship and Physical facilities are required for our happiness and prosperity, a question arises now. Are we working towards all three or just running behind in accumulating the physical facilities?

Ask yourself, how much time and energy you are investing in accumulating the physical facilities, how much time you are investing for the fulfillment in the relationship and how much time in the right understanding. 

You may please make a chart of your daily activities along with the duration of time and then classify them into three, time spent on Right understanding / relationship / physical facility. Total it separately. Take a pause here, roughly you do this for a day or a week and then come back! (Hint for preparing: the time spent on your work which gives you some returns can be taken for ‘Physical Facilities’, the time you spent with your friends/ relatives/ colleagues/ others can be taken for ‘Relationship’, the time spent on your self-growth/exploration can be counted in ‘Right Understanding’) Have you totaled it for each category separately?

Are you shocked to see more than 80% of our time is invested in hoarding the physical facilities?

A few years ago, when Steve Jobs, the former CEO of Apple, died as a billionaire at the age of 56, we got to know his realization that all the recognition and wealth that he took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of his death. 

We read many messages as his last words, a few points from that for you to recall:

“Material things lost can be found or replaced. But there is one thing that can never be found when lost—Life.Treasure your love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends. Treat yourself well and cherish others. As we grow older, and hopefully wiser, we realize that a $3000 or a $30 watch both tell the same time. You will realize that your true inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world. Whether you fly first class or economy, if the plane goes down—you go down with it.

Therefore, I hope you realize, that when you have mates, buddies and old friends, brothers and sisters, who you chat with, laugh with, talk with, sing with, talk about north-south-east-west or heaven and earth, that is true happiness. Don’t educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things and not the price.”

We were touched by his words and acknowledged that his words were very true. After that what did we do? Could we change our way of living? Could we shift our focus to relationships?

Actually, I am caught in the loop. I Lived a mechanical life and missed many important and interesting things in my life. We, Aruni and I, did not spend quality time together as we were focused on our jobs and other responsibilities as we considered that as our priority!. Niranjana’s vacation, my vacation, and Aruni’s free time never matched! When I shared this with him, he said just wait for a few more months(his retirement is due in the month of September, this year) then we can spend our time in a better manner, visit some places, and do something meaningful. Let me wait and see! Even after understanding the need for a relationship, we can not come out of the loop!

Everyone’s focus is mainly on the physical facilities. Starting from the school-going child to the youngster doing higher education, more than 80% of the time he is awake is invested in education only, that too only in the skill education, (not the value education) which prepares him for acquiring the physical facilities. All those doing jobs, also spend most of their valuable time doing their office work only. I do not say we should not spend time on office work, but balancing office and personal time is essential. 

Yes, I accept the fact that if we are working in a government sector or private sector or even our own business,  professional ethics demands us to focus on the work we are doing. We are engaged with the work during the time we are at the office and if some work is pending we need to carry it to our home also. I am not telling you to forgo the responsibilities at the office. We are accountable for the responsibilities entrusted to us and we have to do justice to our work. But, I am just trying to create the awareness that relationships are of higher priority than our physical facilities. 

Recently, I came to learn a new word: Passionpreneur - passion-based entrepreneur. But, this might be possible for a few who are blessed and dare to take the risk. All others, we have to go for a job and earn our living. Even they, the passionpreneurs, have to invest their time and energy into the business that they are doing, right? 

In this scenario, what best can be done to ensure the relationship with other human beings? 

When we are at our workplace, we can have a feeling of relationship with every other colleague and also our other stakeholders, the students, the customers, etc. We can spend some quality time with them, and while interacting with them we can express our feelings of relationship, and take good care of them. Enquire about their family members’ well-being, and how their children are studying, …

At home, to the maximum possible we can avoid bringing homework from the office!  We can spend some quality time with our family members, relatives, friends, and neighbours. Not only with them but also with the housemaid, the cook, the dhobi, the scavenger, the milk boy, the vegetable vendor… Show respect to them, and be grateful for them as we can not live happily without their service to us, can you see this? 

மாபெரும் சபையினில் நீ நடந்தால் - உனக்கு மாலைகள் விழவேண்டும் 

ஒரு மாசு குறையாத மன்னவன் இவனென்று போற்றிப் புகழ வேண்டும்

(If you are there on a big stage, in any crowd, you should get the garlands from everyone.  People have to praise you as a wonderful human being. )

இருந்தாலும் மறைந்தாலும் பேர் சொல்ல வேண்டும்

இவர் போல யார் என்று ஊர் சொல்ல வேண்டும்

(Whether he is alive or he is no more, people have to remember him and show their respect to him. The entire nation has to say who else is there like him? )

All these are possible for those who value the relationship, not those who are wealthy. Do you accept this?

Have clarity: Physical facilities are required, but they alone can not ensure happiness. We can not live happily just with all the required physical facilities, just possessing all that we need and want! 

We need Relationship with other human beings to ensure happiness in our lives.

Now, the next question arises. Can we ensure fulfillment in the relationship without the right understanding? Let me discuss this in my next blog.

(Reference book: a foundation course in human values and professional ethics, by R R Gaur, R. Asthana, G P Bagaria, edition 3)