Ageing gracefully - Children holding our hands to we holding their hands, is this ageing? Trying to find the ways to make the process of ageing enjoyable!

 Children holding our hands to we holding their hands, in other words, Children depending on us to we depending on our children - Is it ageing? 

Nowadays, we are getting a lot of advice on ageing. How we have to behave with our children, grandchildren, what to do and what not to do, etc.

I am not going to give any to do & not to do list or any formula for ageing gracefully. Just wish to share my experience with the elderly people whom I know, I can say the lessons I am learning from them for me, for me to make my ageing process enjoyable! 

First, let me start with my mother! Such a wonderful lady. She is 82 now. She is doing all her work on her own. She will not get help from anyone, including me! She is taking good  care of her health. She usually goes for a walk and goes to the nearby temple daily where she will meet her friends. Actually, she is  diabetic and has heart problems also. Not out of the age related issues like leg pain, shoulder pain, knee pain … and suffers from gastric problems often. With all these illnesses she keeps herself engaged. Somehow, she will get ready and go to the temple and spend some time there daily. She values her self respect.

She will not expect any assistance from anybody. She will go to the hospital for routine checkup and treatments on her own. Recently, she got hurt in her knee and has very severe pain. Doctor has advised her to take complete bed rest. Even in this condition, she does not expect any help from others. To the level possible she is doing her work on her own! She is the best example for self-reliance!

Taking care of my health, keeping myself engaged, doing my work on my own, not expecting anyone to help,  self reliance - these are a few things I take it from my mother for me to face ageing gracefully!

My mother in law, a blessed lady! Not taking anything to her heart, lives a peaceful life. We have heard ignorance is bliss. This suits her very much. All she knows is her family, and nothing else. No expectations from anyone and no complaints about anything. Contented mind, she has, and that is the secret of her happiness. Also, she does not have any complaints from any of her children and grandchildren!  A few months ago, she had a fall and broke her hip. With sincere efforts and good cooperation with the doctor, she recovered completely at the age of 85, that too from hip fracture. Now, she is doing all her daily routine, including cooking on her own, but very carefully she is doing. We have been to Tiruppur recently along with Niranjana and Devesh, the newly wedded. She only prepared all the special food items for us. The confidence she had on herself only made this possible.

Being ignorant, not expecting anything from anybody, contented mind, self confidence, cooperating with those who help, love and only love and nothing else - these are a few learnings for me!

My friend’s father is also in his mid-80s. He is young in his mind! Very very jovial and a lovely person he is. He is taking care of his daughter(she is 50+) as if she is a child. He never says he is an old man or he is getting older! He takes care of his health very sincerely. Goes for a daily walk and maintains a good diet.  He has good friends, spends time with them, and keeps himself happy. He carries himself very gracefully and it gives a comfortable feeling to be with him.

Being young at mind(ageing is only for the body!), giving importance to my health, keeping myself happy every moment - these things I can follow for ageing gracefully!

I have a friend Keerthi, you know. I have learnt a few to do and a few not to do things from her mother. She is very kind to everyone and voluntarily she will help others. She is very careful in her daily routine and food intake. Wakes up early in the morning around 05.00 am, goes for a walk and does some simple yoga stretches. She is very cautious about everything, taking suitable food at specific times and taking her routine medicine etc., as she does not want to give any trouble to Keerthi by falling sick. But, Keerthi is having some concerns about her mother like she might have kept some items say eatables or extra cloths for giving to some people, but her mother would give those things to some one without informing her. Keerthi is very selective in certain items like water bottles or small flasks to carry water for the office and her mother takes those things and uses for taking some porridge. Takes her handkerchiefs or some small fancy bags etc which she is using. She will use sharp words, for example if Keerthi and her family go some shopping or for dinner while they enter home she will give some sarcastic comments, am I doing the watchman job etc…

I can ask/ inform before I do certain things the concerned people, not taking the things that others are using and particularly not using harsh words or sarcastic comments to my loved ones. I should develope the right understanding in myself.

Finally, from my cousins, who are just going ahead of me! Understanding the generation gap is playing an important role in ageing! The younger generation have their own lifestyle and have a certain belief system! We have a preconditioning that we know everything through our experience and start interfering in their day to day activities by advising them. We are confident on our experience and they are confident on their belief. That is the issue!

Recently, I happened to see a book “Aaram Thinai” by Dr. Sivaraman. In that he has explained the title of the book like this: in ancient time we have categorized people into five different categories based on their place of living and their culture and lifestyle depend on this category. The five categories for your information: Kurinji - Mountain and related region, Mullai - Forest and related region, Marutham - fertile land and related region, Neithal - Sea and coastal area, and Paalai - Dryland.  People living in the different regions had a different lifestyle and eating habits. But, now the younger generation has created a new lifestyle. They have their own way of living, eating habits, etc.  That he refers to Aaram Thinai, the sixth category!

Better we understand there is a vast difference in our way of living and their way of living. There is a significant change, particularly in raising children. They have their own way of bringing up their children and it is totally different from ours. When I was young, my mother used to be very strict with me in my studies, eating habits, etc. But, when it came to Niranjana, if I asked her to do something, my mother would say, ‘Why are you asking her now, she will do it later….’ I could see the change in a person when he/ she is a parent and a grandparent. Have you noticed this? Let us look back to when we were parents and not interfere when our children are handling their kids!

Whether we are living with our children or living separately, we should know our boundaries or limitations! We can think before we say anything to them, whether it is right to tell them. Not interfering in their way of living might help us in ageing without any friction! Let us have our focus on our own lives, live independently, keep ourselves engaged, learn something new of our own interest(something we wanted to do in our young age and was not possible due to time or financial constraint!), help our children and others in the ways possible, and keep ourselves healthy so that we are not troubling our dear ones. 

I wish I follow these things! As usual theory is easy, but practical is difficult, it needs practice and perseverance!.