Parenting, Being a Parent of a Little Kid - a few interesting facts!

 We, Aruni, and I visited his cousin’s house in Coimbatore. His grandson was playing in the hall, where we all were sitting and sharing good old memories. His daughter-in-law joined us after preparing some coffee for all of us. She then called her son, who is just two, and asked him to tell her the names of the months, he told her in his sweet childish way! Then she asked him the names of the countries and capitals. His focus was on his toys and she became unhappy as he was not responding as she expected in front of us! 

Almost all of you might have experienced this situation, am I right? Why are young parents anxious to showcase that their kids are brilliant (!) by making them embarrassed in front of the new faces? Why not let the child be a child as such? The childhood period is very much shortened now, have you noticed that? Before we sent the children to school only after they became at least 5 years old, then it became from 3 years to Kindergarten and now we can see parents send their child to school even before they turn two, in the name of preschool, playschool, etc.

My niece, a mother of a nine-month-old baby, was teaching her about eyes, nose, teeth etc. I was kidding her, if not now she will know after some time, what is the hurry in making her know all these now? I strongly believe teaching them the numbers, alphabet, and other facts very advanced is not required, what do you think?

Do you know, the basic characteristic of a child is to imitate? Be aware that you are being watched by your children continuously and they are learning from what you do, be it how you treat other people or your healthy behavior.  We have to follow the traits we wish to inculcate in our children, like honesty, respect, kindness, tolerance, etc. If you want your child to say thank you, first you express it to others and particularly to your child!  You be honest, be kind to others, and show unselfish behavior. Most importantly, treat your child the way you want other people to treat you! Be a role model!

I have seen some parents beating their children with all their strength! Once, at Tirupathi,  a lady was hitting her 3-year-old son with a bottle full of water as he had gone missing and only after some time she could get him back. With that anxiety, she was beating him very harshly until she settled down. She forgot that that little boy also might have been afraid, how much fear he might have had when he could not see his mother in that huge crowd? If she had hugged him upon seeing and consoled him, how comfortable he might be? Which would be the best approach? Tell me!

Children who are hit or beaten are more likely to fight with other children and to use aggression to solve disputes with others. We can avoid harsh discipline. If parents hit a child, they will develop resistance. “What you will do, the maximum you will beat, ok fine”, this mentality will grow in them if punished physically. 

Young parents want their children to be 100% perfect! Just look back, whether we were perfect in our childhood, for that matter even now are we perfect in all aspects? But, we expect our child to do everything that ‘we’ think is right, and behave in a way that ‘we’ think is perfect! 

You can inculcate discipline in a better way. I do not remember any instances when my mother hit me, she had never punished me physically for anything I did. My dad is beyond this, he will not even raise his voice to me. In the same way, we also never ever hit Niranjana! I could not tolerate even a single drop of water from her eyes! Once for some other reason, I was upset and did not speak with her properly. She waited for one or two days, then burst out crying. I really felt very bad and said sorry for my behavior. Expressed my feelings to her saying if any other person hurts her I should give her comfort but now I made her cry! 

Children will come to the mother/father if anyone harms them or is afraid of anything seeking the protection and the comfort zone, isn’t it? If the mother threatens or the father beats him, just think how much he will be affected mentally? Whom he will trust, then? Visualise that little heart full of fear, searching for a shelter!

Again, one day I saw my nephew saying, if you get good marks I will get you the phone you were asking for. Never do this, do not encourage your child to do something with material things! Again, in my experience itself, once I said to Niranjana if she gets topper of the class we will get her a new cycle. She asked me, amma if I do not get the highest mark in the class will you not get me the cycle? At that time I realized my mistake of motivating with material things, which is not right!

I have seen a mother threatening her child saying, ‘see dad is coming’ when he was doing some mischief. My friend’s daughter always used “I will tell your dad that you made this mistake” as a weapon to make her son obey her. If this continues, the child will develop a fear or aversion towards his father, can you see this?

One of my cousins is earning a decent salary and living a middle-class life. But, his daughter used to ask for all costly branded items and he would not tell her the current position and somehow he would get things for her. Once when she asked for a two-wheeler he could not afford it and asked her to wait for some time. That gesture she could not accept and attempted suicide! From the beginning if he had said ‘no’ to some of her wants, this would not have happened, right? Say ‘NO’ to a few things to your child, nothing wrong with it!

One more incident I wish to share. I know a family, husband, wife, and one son of age 17 living in Salem, very closely. The mother will give money to her son without the knowledge of her husband. The boy will get permission from his dad for what his mom might say ‘no’ and he will approach his mom for certain things for which he expects a no from his dad. Finally, he became very adamant that his parents were not able to control him anymore. If parents, both father and mother, say in a single voice either yes or no, children will not be misled, right? 

A friend of mine used to advise his kids to behave properly with others and he had lots of expectations on them. So, whenever they go to meet others they will be very cautious in speaking with them and after returning they will ask their dad, whether they behaved properly. Finally, the girl stopped talking with any other people as she feared making some mistakes and thereby making her father unhappy. Be mindful that your child wants to satisfy you, to make you happy, and try their level best to make you feel proud. So, by advising them repeatedly we create pressure on them.

Recently, my friend’s daughter gave birth to a little angel. I was taken aback when he shared that there was an additional facility provided in the hospital to teach how to hold the child and how to give bath to her! (and they charged for that!). Also, I saw an Udemy online course on “Master Positive Parenting Skills to Raise Amazing Kids”. 

Did our parents take any parenting courses? We can just recall how our parents raised us and our grandparents guided us. That will help us to be a better parent, what do you say? 

The final word, let the child be a child. Let it do all the mischief and you enjoy that! Guide them by being a role model!